The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
