I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
