I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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