We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
