dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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