Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
