You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
