If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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