A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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