If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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