i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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