i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
