I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
even my farts smell like vagina
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
