I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
