Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize