If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
