omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
