Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
