I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well you can't waste a boner
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
