I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
