He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
