There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
