I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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