She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize