so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
