I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize