She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
