Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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