Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
