Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
