you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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