Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My dick has a subreddit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
