Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
