I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
