when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
