out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
