i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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