Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
