it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
