I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
