grandma shit on top of the toilet
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
