If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
