His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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