the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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