Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Randomize
