i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
