weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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