I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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