Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize