Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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