Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
