Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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