Well apparently he's into motor boating.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
