i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
