Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
