The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
