I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
