This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
