end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He shit in the fireplace
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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