I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
