Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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