I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
