Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
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